the horrible mistake
by zadethra
Summary: what if the hero did not apperar, but in his place appeared a doofus.
1. A nightmarish beginning

disclaimer: I do not own zelda or any of the characters.

meeeee!!!: Imagine if the "hero" did not appear, but someone was mistaken for the hero.

OUR STORY BEGINS...

the horrible mistake

Deku Tree: Man, I feel horrible! Mabye I can trick someone in going in me and finding out what horrid thing I ate...

Navi: yeeeeeeeeeeeees?? like the dude on the simpsons(I don't own that either) :(

Deku Tree: you know what, DON'T EVEN TRY IT TODAY!!!

Navi: sheesh, what's eating you?

DT: that's what I need you to find out by tricking someone again, and don't even lie about the last one because I know what you did!!

points to corpse with arrow

Navi: He started it and it wasn't my fault he took it out on the moblin!

DT: he he yeah a moblin...

Navi: I thought I was nuts...

DT: GRRRRRRRRR!!!!! smacks navi with his branches

Navi: okay okay i'm going.

Navi: freak.

DT: what was that?!?

Navi: NOOOOOO! NOT THE BRANCHES!!! screen blanks out

and now to "link's " house Mua ha ha ha ha ha hah!!

after crashing into 40 houses while drinking jack daniel's to ease the pain from earlier...

Navi: hey! Is anyone here??

Link: I am.

Navi: the uhh oh yeah, Great Deku Tree has hic summoned you.

Link: well well well! He's finally given in to my idea that we shouldn't wear these hideous garments.

Navi: heeeeck no! he wants you to go on a little Quest for him. heh heh heh...

Link: why did you just laugh like that?

Navi: NEVER EVER ASK THAT QUESTION!!!!

Link: O.O

Navi: I'm paired up with a doofus!

me: it takes one to know, psycho path...

Navi: AAAAAAAHHHHH!!!! NO ONE IS SAFE!!! THE AUTHOR HAS BROKEN FREEEE!!!!!!

flys away at light speed but slams into the door

Navi: he he he, pretty stars.

link roll his eyes

link steps outside to find saria right outside of his house.

saria: hiya link!!! wow! you finally got a fairy! congragulations!!!

link: it's not THAT exciting.

saria: I'm so freaking happy, I'm going to do backflips all the way to the bottomless pit. falls in

saria: AAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!

link: well that was the highlight of my day.

navi: who knew that kokiri forest had a bottomless pit?

me: that's because I put it there to get rid of someone...

navi: wait, if you're out here, then who's typing the story? back at the desk one of those toy birds that peck when you fill them with water is typing the story

link and navi head for the great deku tree with a new shield and sword.

mido: well well, if it isn't the big baby! whaaaat? you have everything already?!? damn!!!

link: so I guess you'll have to let us in then.

mido: let me see... wrong answer!!!

link cuts mido in half and proceeds to the great deku tree.

dt: good job navi!

navi: he's not perfect, but he'll do.

link: GGGGGRRRRRR!

navi: AAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!!!!

smacks navi with the flat of the sword.

dt: for once someone shut her up!!!

link: oh yeah, that's right!!

dt: will you venture on inside me and break a umm... curse, yeah a curse!!

link: sure thing, oh great deku tree.

link enters the great deku tree and screams like a little girl.

me: well that's the end of the first chapter. I hope it makes it, or I can take up a new hobby. well, please R&R!!!


	2. Huge spiders and whiskey

Disclaimer: I do not own Zelda.

The horrible mistake!!! Chapter 2!!

Navi went in to confront her delirious partner which is apparently not delirious.

NV: Liiiiink?

Link: Ooh god there's spider webs EVERYWHERE!!!! AAAAAAAHHHHH!!!!!!

flashback Link's sitting in his room terrified because of a bunch of drunk spiders throwing beer bottles at him and calling him honky.

Link continues to run around and scream like a girl.

Link: EEEEEEEKKKKKKK!!!!!!!!

Navi smacks him.

Link: ow.

Navi: Jesus Christ! Why do I even try...

They go in half way and Link again starts screaming

Link: EEEEEEEKKKKKK!!!!!!

The skulltula laughs so hard at him he falls down to his death

Link: Yaaay! I am such an awesome hero!!

Navi: Like my dad used to say: when the going gets tough, chug three bottles of Jack Daniels.

Navi Gets severely drunk and throws the beer bottle at Link causing him to scream and curl up into the fetal position.

Link: why are you scaring me.

Navi: Aah don't talk to me you doofus! belch!

Navi throws another bottle and hits a spider.

Link: Nice one!

Navi barfs.

Navi: Why the hell aren't you doing anything you jackass!?

Link: Hey neat! A slingshot!!

Link fires a pellet and hits Navi.

Navi: Ow! Watch it you s.o.b!!

All of the sudden, Saria falls from the sky

Saria: yay! It's Link!!

Falls and hits the giant spider web on the ground.

Me: damn! Wrong way!!

Navi: OMG!!! He has escaped again!!!

Flies super fast and hits another wall

Navi: he he he! Pretty spiders.

Link: SPIDERS!!! AAAAAAHHHH!!!!!

Runs super fast and hits same wall.

Link: that wall is the real enemy!!! It was in the last chapter!

Me: MUA HA HA HA HA HA HA!!!

After several hours, the two make it (somehow) to Queen Gohma.

QG: Mua ha ha!

Link: AAAAHHH!!!! Huge freaking spider!!

QG knocks Link down and he starts crying

QG: Aww I'm sorry.

Link surprise attacks QG and stabs her in the eye.

She burns away into nothingness.

Link: yay! The Mean ol' spider's dead!!

Navi: hey! Where's Navi?

Navi gets swallowed by a frog, but Navi rips it's stomach open.

Navi: take that you bastard!!!

What did you think? Please R&R.


	3. King Zora and KFC

Disclaimer: I once again, do not own zelda!!!

The horrible mistake Chapter 3!!!

AC: Yeah I know! What took me so long? A lack of inspiration. And now the story.

Link and Navi make it to the great fairy.

GF: What can I do for you?

Link just stares at the fact that the only thing covering her was vines.

Link: Are you a nudist?

GF: What?! I'm Dressed! I do not have a serious brain problem!!! Waugh!! (falls down a random pit)

Navi: OOOOKKKKKAAAAYYYY...

Link gets hit by a random beam of light.

Link: AAAAAAAAAHHH!!! Make it stop!! I feel like I'm on pot!!!

Link gets warped to zora's domain and navi gets left behind.

Link: YAY!!! I did it on my own!!!

(off in the distance)Navi: Asshole! You forgot me!!!!!!

Link: Meh.(proceeds to the king who is currently downing about 500 Lbs of KFC)

Link: HOLY CRAP! THEIR KING IS LIKE FRIGGIN' FREE WILLY!!!

King Zora tries to eat Link but is too fat to move.

Link runs left and a zora offers him a scale.

Link: Don't I have to do a mini game or something?

Zora: Why?

Link looks at the Oot script.

Link: Yep! It says here I have to do a diving game.

Me: The one who has the keyboard controls destiny!!!

I turn Link into a frog.

Link: Aaaaaaaaaahhh!!!!

I turn him back.

Me: Point proven!

Link: I was allergic to frogs! (puffs up and ends up looking like Kirby)

Kirby: Identity theft!!!

Kirby gets eaten by King Zora.

Navi comes back.

Link: Hiya Navi. Why do you have a cheese grater? Uh oh. AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHH!!!!!!!!!

Link gets slashed up.

Link: My face! My beautiful face.

Navi: Serves you right!!!

Link: Vendetta! Vendetta!

Swats Navi with a bug swatter.

Navi: Owwwww...

Saria falls from the sky.

Saria: Hiya Link!!!(falls into Lake Hylia)

Me: DAMMIT! I missed!

Link: You could just dice her up you know!

Me: What fun would that be?!

Link rolls his eyes.

Well that's the end of this chapter! Please R&R!!! (P.S: Vendetta means vengeance.)


End file.
